Coming up & out.

So after I got out of the hospital for my second time this year, things went downhill again. This time I was hospitalized for severe anxiety. It was so bad I couldn’t sit still or concentrate for any amount of time. It was mentally and physically excrutiating to deal with.

My doctor and I didn’t get along. He took me off all of my bipolar medications and instead gave me Haldol (it worked wonders in the ER) and Seroquel to sleep. By the time I got home, the Haldol was making me drool, see double, feel/act zombie-like so I stopped taking it.

A week or so went by and I was feeling good, but then the depression kicked in so severely that I couldn’t even get out of bed except to eat. And I mean really eat- Pizza Hut, KFC, Taco Bell- all in one sitting. My mom threatened more than once to call the Crisis Center. I’m so afraid to go back to the hospital though, so I’m trying really, especially hard to get through this.

I can’t find a psychiatrist or therapist to take the medical assistance I have, so I haven’t been able to get any medicine to help. I know pills aren’t everything, but when you have an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, it can help greatly. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with books, movies, and talking.. it seems to be helping so far. I am trying to get into a program at our local hospital that consists of intensive group therapy. I hate, hate, hate group therapy but I need to do something.. and that is looking like my only option getting me into a doctor.

Staying as positive as possible.

XOXO,
Jess

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